What if a first date doesn’t go well?

Meeting someone for a first date is nerve-wracking for all of us. There are few situations that make us feel more vulnerable or self-conscious, and we often place far too much weight on these initial interactions. Sometimes, fear of rejection can keep people from even trying to meet that special someone. The very idea of a perfect stranger rejecting us seems like too much of an emotional bungee jump to risk.

But, the important thing to remember is that WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH THIS. Every man and woman going on dates is feeling some version of this - we are all human, with a need for acceptance, understanding, and love.  We’re on the SAME SIDE here, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Of course, we all have different ways of seeking these things, and some of us are much better communicators than others. But deep down, we all want the same things.

Making deep personal and romantic connections with other people is a rare and beautiful thing. If it were common and easy to find, millions of people around the world wouldn’t be turning to websites and companies to aid in this process. And no matter how you approach dating, it is always a bit of a risk to put yourself out there. But there is NO SHORTCUT to making real, live, intimate connections with people. You must change out of your pajamas and get yourself out of the house and in front of other people in order to find this.

When there isn’t a first date connection, it’s often worthwhile to go on a second date, to get past the initial nervousness and really give each other a chance. I’ve seen so many instances where people don’t really click until the second or third date. In today’s drive-thru dating culture, people often only give others one brief chance to make a first impression, and it is such a shame to limit ourselves like that. It’s so worthwhile to take a few dates to really get past the superficial first date mask that most of us wear, to get to know the real live person underneath.

Chances are, you will experience rejection. But, this does NOT mean that you are not enough, it just means that you have not yet met your match. You won’t be drawn to every single person that you meet- you’re not SUPPOSED TO BE - and that in NO way means that those are not wonderful, quality people. Their interests, values, or humour may just not be compatible with yours, even though you’re both amazing people with a lot to offer. This goes both ways, so remember that, and be gentle with yourself. It’s not all about you. Everyone has different needs and interests, and that has nothing at all to do with your personal worth. We don’t all connect. If we did, love wouldn’t be such a precious commodity.

The most important thing is to be yourself, and make a real effort to get to know other people. Maybe you will fall in love, or make a new friend, or maybe you will learn something new about yourself, and what you’re really looking for. That is what dating is really all about.

Myths and Matchmaking

 One of the big myths we battle at ModernBlindDates.com is people who assume that only people who can't get a date join our company. That's simply not true. Most of the people who are members of ModernBlindDates.com have no problem getting a date.

But they are looking for a specific quality date that simply takes too much time to find online. Truthfully we find that many of our clients are too busy to be online dating. They own their own companies, they are high up in their careers, and their lifestyle simply does not afford them the time that it would require to sift through online profiles day after day.

Our typical member is a six-figure income earner with an above average net worth, who is very athletic, goal oriented, generous, funny, well-traveled, and well read. And that's just the ladies!

Using a matchmaking service is not a last ditch attempt at happiness. Using a matchmaking service, means that you just have a life to live, and you'd rather get about the business of living it.

Second Chances

Are you a serial First Dater?

Often, we make up our minds about a person within the first five minutes of meeting them. 

One of our favourite ModernBlindDates clients recently wrote us a letter explaining why she will not make that mistake again.

Enjoy. <3

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Why I would highly recommend going on a second date:

I am newly divorced, and had never really dated in my life. I married my high school sweetheart, and we were together for 18 years. So, when it was suggested to me that I join ModernBlindDates, where my first date ever would be a blind date, let me tell you- terrified was an understatement! 

I was nervous, and didn't know what I was doing, or what to expect. Being 37, and growing up with the fairytale mentality, I expected dates to be magical. I expected it to be like Cinderella & Prince Charming - a fairytale "Love at First Sight", with a passionate, amazing spark, and my own Fairy Godmother. 

So, even though my first date was perfect on paper, and you couldn't have picked a better person for me; because it wasn't fireworks and sunshine as far as the connection was concerned - I turned down the opportunity to go on another date with him. I did this a few times.

Well, as time went on, and I'd had more time to think about it,  I realized that turning down the second date was a big mistake! 

I've since gone on a first date where I had been initially thrilled, felt the spark, and thought everything was wonderful - so I decided to go on a second date with him. What a horrible MESS the second date was. His true colors started to shine through, and I didn't like what I saw at all. He turned out to be somewhat of a know-it-all, and I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that it was nothing like the first date, and we did NOT click. So, this got me thinking, "Wait a second! I've been set up on a few dates with ModernBlindDates, and have turned down going on second dates with the men, even though they were fun and we had a lot in common! I was looking for the Cinderella spark."

 I now realize that on the first date, especially a blind date, you're really quite nervous, and it can be hard to show who you really are through all of the nerves and worrying about being accepted. You're too busy wondering what they are thinking of you, if they think that you're attractive enough, smart enough, fun enough, successful enough, and if they're going to want to go on another date with you. I can tell you that the next time I'm set up on a date with  ModernBlindDates, I will be going on a second date! I can honestly tell you that as long as he is somewhat interesting, kind, and respectful to me and others on the first date, I will give him that second chance. And not just men, but I'll give myself that second chance to find the right person for me, at this time in my life. I think I worded it that way because they don't necessarily have to be the person for the rest of my life, and I think I was putting too much emphasis and merit into that. After all- what if they are someone who fits perfectly into my life just for right now? What if we have great fun together, but it only last two months, or seven months, or a year? Or maybe they could turn out to be the love of my life - I don't know. But, I will never know if I don't open myself up to the opportunity, and give us both a chance to get past the nerves and judgment. 

So, I guess the moral I've learned is to give people the chance they deserve, to give yourself the chance you deserve, even though you're also nervous and scared, and trying to process 19 million things about that person, instead of relaxing and being yourself. Sometimes, a second chance can make all the difference.

<3

HOW MY BOYFRIEND MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

HOW MY BOYFRIEND MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

(Simple Lady-Catchin’ Instructions for the Single Man)

My boyfriend and I were platonic friends for three years before he tricked me into falling madly in love with him. There were a series of wily things that he did to change my thinking from “What a great guy” to “I don’t want to go a single day in my life without this guy in it, and I wonder what he’s wearing right now…”

Below is the voodoo that he do, and you should do, too.

1.     He did what he said he would do. If he said he’d call at 3pm, he did. AT 3 PM. If he said he’d meet a friend for coffee, or help someone find a Christmas gift, he’d be there. He’s a man of his word, with everyone in his life, no matter how small the word.

2.     He was silly. If there was dancing, karaoke-ing, ridiculous story telling, or faux Cirque-de-Soleil auditions to be done- he was IN. He didn’t care if he looked “cool”, he only cared about the laughing and fun. His Powers of Fun were so advanced, that he also knew how to get down and silly with kids and play with them, on their level, and it was totally natural for him. Swoon.

3.     He paid attention. If I mentioned that I liked something, he remembered. He remembered the names of important people in my life, goofy story details I’d told him, and our silly inside jokes from 2 years ago. He made me feel like my thoughts and feelings about little things were important. And when he showed up with a coffee drink for me, he knew what my favorite flavor was.

4.     He was creative. He wrote me things, and made me things, and would do basically anything to make me smile. When he asked me out on our first date, it was a fun, romantic date that he planned completely on his own. He picked up groceries and wine, came over, and cooked for me. He knew what kind of food I liked, because, #3. It was delicious. As is he.

5.     He was honest. He’d tell me how he felt, and what he thought about things, even if they were very personal, embarrassing, controversial, or not the same as my thoughts and feelings. He wasn’t afraid to be wrong, or vulnerable, or sincere. This takes so much bravery, and a strong sense of self. To me, this is what a real man is. And his straightforward, open approach made me open up too.

6.     He kissed me like he meant it. I won’t get too detailed here, but he has never given me a dismissive peck on the lips, ever. His kissing rocks my world.

7.     He told me why he loved me. Hearing someone tell you “I love you” is a great thing. But having someone tell you exactly what he or she loves about you is a magical, wonderful thing. Details are everything.

So, if you find yourself trapped in the dreaded “Friend Zone” with a woman, and want to move your relationship into the “Love Zone”, or if you just want to know the best way to woo a woman, step up your game, and show her who you really are.

It worked for me, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it.