HOW TO MEET NEW PEOPLE

As a single parent, meeting new people can seem like a daunting task. In our busy lives, it can sometimes feel like we are the only single person in our group of friends, or like all of the “good ones” are taken. But this simply isn’t true, and there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who feel the same way that you do. So, where are they?

Here are three simple things that you can do to increase your chances of meeting new people:

1.     Break your routine

As a parent, or busy person in general, there are definitely times that a routine can save your sanity. But other times, it could be limiting your social life. Most of us live the majority of our lives on quite a small train track – going to the same bank, gym, grocery store, library, coffee shop, and post office, week after week, year after year. Familiarity is comforting, and easy. As a result, we inevitably see the same people over and over again, and often operate on automatic pilot for a large portion of our days.

As the saying goes- “In order to get something you’ve never had before, you have to do something you’ve never done before.” Try something new- even something small, like a new coffee shop. Go suburban off-roading, and keep your eyes open. You never know what, or who, you might find.

2.     Smile

“Resting Bitch Face” is the enemy of meeting new people- and this sad syndrome affects men as well as women. We’re often thinking about work, bills, or how we’d give our left arm for a nap, and don’t realize that we are frowning and even scowling at times- but other people will notice it. Be aware of the people around you, and try to make eye contact and smile. It instantly changes your face from a closed door to an open one. Most of the time, you’ll get a smile in return. It’s always appropriate, and appreciated, and is one of the easiest ways to make someone’s day, including yours.

3.     Say Yes

Sometimes, we let little opportunities pass us by without even knowing it.

Overthinking things or being overcautious might seem like a good way to protect our hearts, but it’s also closing our hearts off to new things. Practice saying yes to things- it’s more fun than saying no.

Do you want to join us on Friday night to go watch our friend’s band?

YES

You should let me babysit Aiden for you sometime so you can get out.

YES

I’d like to introduce you to my co-worker; I think you guys would hit it off.

YES

Can I buy you a drink?

YES

Would you like to go for coffee sometime?

YES

Will you come to this Speed Dating thing with me? I don’t want to go alone!

YES

We’re having a few people over for dinner tonight - can you come?

YES

Of course, you can follow up the Yes with anything you like, such as – “I have an early morning, but I’d love an iced tea.” Leading with a yes, instead of an “I don’t know” or “I shouldn’t” will put a more positive spin on any interaction. Sometimes, certain events or situations may seem slightly out of our comfort zone, and that is exactly the place that you want to go to meet new people. A little change can have an amazing ripple effect. Give it a try.

The best way to increase your chances of meeting someone with whom you really connect is to meet a LOT of people. Play the odds, and get out and socialize as much as possible, and you’ll increase your chances of making a new friend or romantic partner. People meet every day, and not just in bars or on dating sites. You can meet someone anywhere from the Auto Repair Shop to the Veterinarian’s office. Get dressed, go out and do things that you enjoy, and keep your head up. When you open yourself up to it, you’ll be surprised at how the universe meets you half way.

Leaving the past in the past...

Dating Tip: When to leave the past in the past...

Talking about an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife on a first date is a definite no-no.

Relationship history is a topic that can and should be discussed at appropriate times, especially if you are co-parenting with your ex, but it should not be the main focus while you’re in the beginning stages of getting to know a new partner. Also, be careful not to share too many intimate details- those are things that could possibly stick in your partner’s mind, and needlessly upset them. Do you really want to know about your boyfriend’s favorite sexual position with his ex, or the pet name your girlfriend called her ex? I know I don’t want that kind of unproductive information bouncing around in my head.

If someone talks nonstop about their ex on any date, there is a high possibility that their head and heart is still all wrapped up in that relationship. It’s hard to really get to know someone while you’re still obsessing about someone else.

So, if you feel the need to talk about your past relationship, and work through unresolved feelings and issues, do it with friends, or a therapist, until you make the decision to let it go and move on. Only then will you truly be ready to open up to someone new.

BREAKING UP

Breakups can turn your world upside down. In addition to the unavoidable heartache and emotional trauma of ending a relationship, there can also be financial and legal complications if you share a home, or other assets, or have children together. It’s awful, and seldom simple. Most of us have gone through a difficult breakup at some point in our lives.

As important as it is to work hard on your relationships, sometimes, it just doesn’t work, and when you know it’s over, you know. And it can be terrifying.

If you are going through this right now, remember that you are not alone.

Reasons I stayed in an unhappy relationship for so long:

·      I thought that breaking up would be quitting/failing.

·      I hoped that “love” was enough to make my relationship work.

·      We’d both invested so much time into each other.

·      I thought that my ex would eventually see my side of things, and understand my needs, after many years of not being able to.

·      Familiarity, comfort, laziness

·      The thought of starting over was so scary.

·      We still had moments of fun and connection.

·      I feared my relationship expectations were unrealistic.

·      I thought that I might not ever fall in love again.

·      I thought that maybe I still needed to learn something from the relationship.

·      I didn’t want my ex to be with anyone else.

·      I didn’t want to lose our joint social circle.

·      I was so used to not looking around, I couldn’t imagine another potential romantic partner.

·      I started to believe that there was no such thing as a happy relationship.

·      Dating sounded like a nightmare.

What happened when I ended the unhappy relationship:

·      I felt sad, lonely, sick, and like a failure for a few months, but then I began to feel exponentially better with every passing month.

·      I reveled in the freedom of making choices without worrying about my ex’s opinions or feelings.

·      I was better able to focus on who I really was, and what I wanted.

·      I stopped being angry with, and forgave, my ex and myself.

·      I had more energy and time for my friends and family, to support them, and be supported by them.

·      The absence of the weight of trying to force something to work that didn’t, made me feel light and free.

·      I completely reevaluated what I was looking for in a relationship and partner.

·      I gained perspective on the bad habits I’d developed, and how to improve them.

·      I started treating myself better, and others did too.

·      I took bigger risks in my personal and professional life, and was able to accomplish things I never thought I could.

·      I began to love myself more.

·      Interesting romantic prospects suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

·      I changed my approach to dating, and it started to be fun.

·      I fell in love with a friend, who had been there all along.

·      I’m madly in love, and happier than I’ve ever been.

Sometimes, the first step in surviving a breakup is to let yourself fall apart a little, so that you can put yourself back together, and be stronger and better. Change is necessary for growth, even though change can sometimes be painful and overwhelming.

Allow yourself time to grieve, and be gentle with yourself.

Reach out for support, and be willing to accept it. Look for advice from people who know what they’re talking about - who are in a place that you’d like to be, doing things you want to do, and who are good role models. Find the people and activities that inspire you. Remember that in order to get something that you’ve never had before, you have to do something that you’ve never done before. This is a time to set goals, and create a plan – in all facets of your life – personal, spiritual, financial, professional, physical, and emotional.

At ModernBlindDates.com, we have so many wonderful resources to help you get back on track after a breakup. We offer personal coaching, as well as fitness and fashion consultants who are excited to help you get out there into the dating world again. Whether we are single, or in a relationship, we are always responsible for our own lives and happiness. Go get yours.

What if a first date doesn’t go well?

Meeting someone for a first date is nerve-wracking for all of us. There are few situations that make us feel more vulnerable or self-conscious, and we often place far too much weight on these initial interactions. Sometimes, fear of rejection can keep people from even trying to meet that special someone. The very idea of a perfect stranger rejecting us seems like too much of an emotional bungee jump to risk.

But, the important thing to remember is that WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH THIS. Every man and woman going on dates is feeling some version of this - we are all human, with a need for acceptance, understanding, and love.  We’re on the SAME SIDE here, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Of course, we all have different ways of seeking these things, and some of us are much better communicators than others. But deep down, we all want the same things.

Making deep personal and romantic connections with other people is a rare and beautiful thing. If it were common and easy to find, millions of people around the world wouldn’t be turning to websites and companies to aid in this process. And no matter how you approach dating, it is always a bit of a risk to put yourself out there. But there is NO SHORTCUT to making real, live, intimate connections with people. You must change out of your pajamas and get yourself out of the house and in front of other people in order to find this.

When there isn’t a first date connection, it’s often worthwhile to go on a second date, to get past the initial nervousness and really give each other a chance. I’ve seen so many instances where people don’t really click until the second or third date. In today’s drive-thru dating culture, people often only give others one brief chance to make a first impression, and it is such a shame to limit ourselves like that. It’s so worthwhile to take a few dates to really get past the superficial first date mask that most of us wear, to get to know the real live person underneath.

Chances are, you will experience rejection. But, this does NOT mean that you are not enough, it just means that you have not yet met your match. You won’t be drawn to every single person that you meet- you’re not SUPPOSED TO BE - and that in NO way means that those are not wonderful, quality people. Their interests, values, or humour may just not be compatible with yours, even though you’re both amazing people with a lot to offer. This goes both ways, so remember that, and be gentle with yourself. It’s not all about you. Everyone has different needs and interests, and that has nothing at all to do with your personal worth. We don’t all connect. If we did, love wouldn’t be such a precious commodity.

The most important thing is to be yourself, and make a real effort to get to know other people. Maybe you will fall in love, or make a new friend, or maybe you will learn something new about yourself, and what you’re really looking for. That is what dating is really all about.

Myths and Matchmaking

 One of the big myths we battle at ModernBlindDates.com is people who assume that only people who can't get a date join our company. That's simply not true. Most of the people who are members of ModernBlindDates.com have no problem getting a date.

But they are looking for a specific quality date that simply takes too much time to find online. Truthfully we find that many of our clients are too busy to be online dating. They own their own companies, they are high up in their careers, and their lifestyle simply does not afford them the time that it would require to sift through online profiles day after day.

Our typical member is a six-figure income earner with an above average net worth, who is very athletic, goal oriented, generous, funny, well-traveled, and well read. And that's just the ladies!

Using a matchmaking service is not a last ditch attempt at happiness. Using a matchmaking service, means that you just have a life to live, and you'd rather get about the business of living it.

Second Chances

Are you a serial First Dater?

Often, we make up our minds about a person within the first five minutes of meeting them. 

One of our favourite ModernBlindDates clients recently wrote us a letter explaining why she will not make that mistake again.

Enjoy. <3

__________________________________________________________________________________

Why I would highly recommend going on a second date:

I am newly divorced, and had never really dated in my life. I married my high school sweetheart, and we were together for 18 years. So, when it was suggested to me that I join ModernBlindDates, where my first date ever would be a blind date, let me tell you- terrified was an understatement! 

I was nervous, and didn't know what I was doing, or what to expect. Being 37, and growing up with the fairytale mentality, I expected dates to be magical. I expected it to be like Cinderella & Prince Charming - a fairytale "Love at First Sight", with a passionate, amazing spark, and my own Fairy Godmother. 

So, even though my first date was perfect on paper, and you couldn't have picked a better person for me; because it wasn't fireworks and sunshine as far as the connection was concerned - I turned down the opportunity to go on another date with him. I did this a few times.

Well, as time went on, and I'd had more time to think about it,  I realized that turning down the second date was a big mistake! 

I've since gone on a first date where I had been initially thrilled, felt the spark, and thought everything was wonderful - so I decided to go on a second date with him. What a horrible MESS the second date was. His true colors started to shine through, and I didn't like what I saw at all. He turned out to be somewhat of a know-it-all, and I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that it was nothing like the first date, and we did NOT click. So, this got me thinking, "Wait a second! I've been set up on a few dates with ModernBlindDates, and have turned down going on second dates with the men, even though they were fun and we had a lot in common! I was looking for the Cinderella spark."

 I now realize that on the first date, especially a blind date, you're really quite nervous, and it can be hard to show who you really are through all of the nerves and worrying about being accepted. You're too busy wondering what they are thinking of you, if they think that you're attractive enough, smart enough, fun enough, successful enough, and if they're going to want to go on another date with you. I can tell you that the next time I'm set up on a date with  ModernBlindDates, I will be going on a second date! I can honestly tell you that as long as he is somewhat interesting, kind, and respectful to me and others on the first date, I will give him that second chance. And not just men, but I'll give myself that second chance to find the right person for me, at this time in my life. I think I worded it that way because they don't necessarily have to be the person for the rest of my life, and I think I was putting too much emphasis and merit into that. After all- what if they are someone who fits perfectly into my life just for right now? What if we have great fun together, but it only last two months, or seven months, or a year? Or maybe they could turn out to be the love of my life - I don't know. But, I will never know if I don't open myself up to the opportunity, and give us both a chance to get past the nerves and judgment. 

So, I guess the moral I've learned is to give people the chance they deserve, to give yourself the chance you deserve, even though you're also nervous and scared, and trying to process 19 million things about that person, instead of relaxing and being yourself. Sometimes, a second chance can make all the difference.

<3

HOW MY BOYFRIEND MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

HOW MY BOYFRIEND MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

(Simple Lady-Catchin’ Instructions for the Single Man)

My boyfriend and I were platonic friends for three years before he tricked me into falling madly in love with him. There were a series of wily things that he did to change my thinking from “What a great guy” to “I don’t want to go a single day in my life without this guy in it, and I wonder what he’s wearing right now…”

Below is the voodoo that he do, and you should do, too.

1.     He did what he said he would do. If he said he’d call at 3pm, he did. AT 3 PM. If he said he’d meet a friend for coffee, or help someone find a Christmas gift, he’d be there. He’s a man of his word, with everyone in his life, no matter how small the word.

2.     He was silly. If there was dancing, karaoke-ing, ridiculous story telling, or faux Cirque-de-Soleil auditions to be done- he was IN. He didn’t care if he looked “cool”, he only cared about the laughing and fun. His Powers of Fun were so advanced, that he also knew how to get down and silly with kids and play with them, on their level, and it was totally natural for him. Swoon.

3.     He paid attention. If I mentioned that I liked something, he remembered. He remembered the names of important people in my life, goofy story details I’d told him, and our silly inside jokes from 2 years ago. He made me feel like my thoughts and feelings about little things were important. And when he showed up with a coffee drink for me, he knew what my favorite flavor was.

4.     He was creative. He wrote me things, and made me things, and would do basically anything to make me smile. When he asked me out on our first date, it was a fun, romantic date that he planned completely on his own. He picked up groceries and wine, came over, and cooked for me. He knew what kind of food I liked, because, #3. It was delicious. As is he.

5.     He was honest. He’d tell me how he felt, and what he thought about things, even if they were very personal, embarrassing, controversial, or not the same as my thoughts and feelings. He wasn’t afraid to be wrong, or vulnerable, or sincere. This takes so much bravery, and a strong sense of self. To me, this is what a real man is. And his straightforward, open approach made me open up too.

6.     He kissed me like he meant it. I won’t get too detailed here, but he has never given me a dismissive peck on the lips, ever. His kissing rocks my world.

7.     He told me why he loved me. Hearing someone tell you “I love you” is a great thing. But having someone tell you exactly what he or she loves about you is a magical, wonderful thing. Details are everything.

So, if you find yourself trapped in the dreaded “Friend Zone” with a woman, and want to move your relationship into the “Love Zone”, or if you just want to know the best way to woo a woman, step up your game, and show her who you really are.

It worked for me, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it.