Overcoming Dating Fears- by Christy Collingham

Here are some words of wisdom from one of our amazing dating coaches, Christy Collingham, unravelling what people worry about for first dates, how they can reframe/do about it and why www.ModernBlindDates.com is so awesome...

1. I am afraid of being rejected...
A first date is a wonderful opportunity to see if that person is someone YOU WANT in your life. Not all dates work out. If both parties don't feel the same way about each other, it's not a reflection on whether or not someone is worthy enough, good enough, pretty enough or whatever the story is that you might tell yourself... it's that you just aren't a match. Plain and simple. So no need to take it so personally. (This might take some practice or coaching to "get it".)

2. I am afraid of being judged...
In my experience, people who fear being judged the most are the ones who are judging others and even more so, judging themselves. The key to this one is some self-compassion and self-love. Would you speak to your best friend the way you speak to yourself? Probably not. Start treating yourself with kindness and understanding... Love yourself more, and judgments from others tend to matter less.

3. I am afraid of embarrassing myself through my actions (knocking over glasses, stepping on feet, tripping, stubbing toes, making incomprehensible sounds in lieu of actual words.)
Yup. It might happen. Just know that its just one moment in time. Accept it. Dont let that fear overcome you. Know that a clutz can be loved as much as someone less accident prone!

4. When I am nervous my body does something gross (excessive sweating, blushing, burping, farting.)
Oh yes, this can happen. Again, let it go. Dont spend all your time worrying about this or it will happen more. Dont obsess about if the person can see you blushing or not. Make sure to SMILE, have a good time and bring forth some fun conversation.

5. Fear of the unknown -- Who pays? Do we kiss? Hug? How do I know that the date is over?
We all have a human need to have certainty in our lives. A first date will not be the time to nurture this. Acknowledge that there will be a lot of uncertainty on a first date. Start looking at dating as a fun adventure... a treasure finding mission. Expect nothing and be prepared for anything. 

Why is ModernBlindDates so awesome? Your blind date is just a coffee, so if it doesnt work out, no big deal. If you blubber over your words, no big deal. You get to be yourself.

You know the rules ahead of time to help with some issues of uncertainty, the man pays, there is a time limit, no kissing, no phone number exchange, no need to tell a person whether you like them or not. Your Matchmaker will handle it for you.

A lot of fear of rejection comes up when you spend a lot of time making up stories about another person, putting them up on a pedastal, or planning your wedding (I know some ladies who do this, seriously) -- with ModernBlindDates you don't get to know, you don't have an opportunity to make up stories about the other person, you just get to show up and have fun.

How to Meet New People

HOW TO MEET NEW PEOPLE - by Eve Goodwin

As a single parent, meeting new people can seem like a daunting task. In our busy lives, it can sometimes feel like we are the only single person in our group of friends, or like all of the “good ones” are taken. But this simply isn’t true, and there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who feel the same way that you do. So, where are they?

Here are three simple things that you can do to increase your chances of meeting new people:

1.     Break your routine

As a parent, or busy person in general, there are definitely times that a routine can save your sanity. But other times, it could be limiting your social life. Most of us live the majority of our lives on quite a small train track – going to the same bank, gym, grocery store, library, coffee shop, and post office, week after week, year after year. Familiarity is comforting, and easy. As a result, we inevitably see the same people over and over again, and often operate on automatic pilot for a large portion of our days.

As the saying goes- “In order to get something you’ve never had before, you have to do something you’ve never done before.” Try something new- even something small, like a new coffee shop. Go suburban off-roading, and keep your eyes open. You never know what, or who, you might find.

2.     Smile

“Resting Bitch Face” is the enemy of meeting new people- and this sad syndrome affects men as well as women. We’re often thinking about work, bills, or how we’d give our left arm for a nap, and don’t realize that we are frowning and even scowling at times- but other people will notice it. Be aware of the people around you, and try to make eye contact and smile. It instantly changes your face from a closed door to an open one. Most of the time, you’ll get a smile in return. It’s always appropriate, and appreciated, and is one of the easiest ways to make someone’s day, including yours.

3.     Say Yes

Sometimes, we let little opportunities pass us by without even knowing it.

Overthinking things or being overcautious might seem like a good way to protect our hearts, but it’s also closing our hearts off to new things. Practice saying yes to things- it’s more fun than saying no.

Do you want to join us on Friday night to go watch our friend’s band?

YES

You should let me babysit Aiden for you sometime so you can get out.

YES

I’d like to introduce you to my co-worker; I think you guys would hit it off.

YES

Can I buy you a drink?

YES

Would you like to go for coffee sometime?

YES

Will you come to this Speed Dating thing with me? I don’t want to go alone!

YES

We’re having a few people over for dinner tonight - can you come?

YES

Of course, you can follow up the Yes with anything you like, such as – “I have an early morning, but I’d love an iced tea.” Leading with a yes, instead of an “I don’t know” or “I shouldn’t” will put a more positive spin on any interaction. Sometimes, certain events or situations may seem slightly out of our comfort zone, and that is exactly the place that you want to go to meet new people. A little change can have an amazing ripple effect. Give it a try.

The best way to increase your chances of meeting someone with whom you really connect is to meet a LOT of people. Play the odds, and get out and socialize as much as possible, and you’ll increase your chances of making a new friend or romantic partner. People meet every day, and not just in bars or on dating sites. You can meet someone anywhere from the Auto Repair Shop to the Veterinarian’s office. Get dressed, go out and do things that you enjoy, and keep your head up. When you open yourself up to it, you’ll be surprised at how the universe meets you half way.